


A Paradise Just For Us

by dilucs_sock



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Best Friends, Bokuaka - Freeform, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hospital, Love, M/M, Sad, Sad and Happy, sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dilucs_sock/pseuds/dilucs_sock
Summary: Akaashi sits and reads in a hospital bed for 4+ years, waiting until his time is done.Bokuto just had to be his annoying roommate, promising to make Akaashi's final moments amazing.-"Say, Akaashi, you wanna leave this place one day? Go on an adventure, just the two of us.""How can we leave? We're both prisoners of our own diseases.""Well, I guess we'll just have to get better. Then we can leave. We can find a paradise just for us.""You promise, Bokuto? Promise you'll take me away from here?""I promise, Akaashi."
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	A Paradise Just For Us

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! Before you read, I'd like to let you know that I made a playlist. It's highly recommended to listen along when prompted, but you don't have to. The soundtrack on Spotify is called "a paradise just for us" and my name is Maddy.  
>  **(Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/711u6xxidv28g8wK6B5aae?si=fLw9p9ijQl6v4waRYWv87Q)**
> 
> If you can't listen on there, Youtube will definitely work, and maybe Soundcloud too.
> 
> hope you enjoy :)

-

**[listen to: places we won't walk by bruno major]**

****

****

-

Akaashi hated it. The fluorescent lights that lit up his entire surroundings, him included. The singular lightbulb that flickered on and off pissed him off each growing day.

 _When will it just die already? When will_ he _just die already?_

Unfortunately, that was his life. Staring up at the all too familiar white ceiling. The all too familiar white bedsheets. The all too familiar shitty parking lot view outside the window.

Akaashi Keiji was a slim, black-haired 20-year-old with deep, emerald eyes. He had been stuck in the hospital for the past four years of his life. He was admitted at the mere age of 16, all because he collapsed and got knocked unconscious after hitting his head on a table. He was soon after diagnosed with Becker muscular dystrophy, or as he liked to call it, a gift from hell. His life was not always him collapsing and having a weak heart. He used to be normal.

He loved volleyball. He was even on a team for his school. However, his team with his "friends" slowly began moving on without him once he was admitted to the hospital. Even way before then, he showed concerning signs of trembling and weak muscles.

Akaashi was no longer himself. No, that young boy with aspirations and friends and happiness died years ago. Soon, his current self will also die.

That was nothing he did not already know. He remembered being diagnosed. His parent's reactions: his crying mother as she begged the doctor to do something.

Alas, there is no cure. He was doomed since the day he was born. He was fine with that, strangely enough. Yes, he once had dreams, but after years of the same medication, same physical therapy, same everything, he was no longer worried. No longer cared.

He knew his weakening heart was too much for his body to handle. But all Akaashi ever did was lay there in his hospital bed and read. Books were the sole thing keeping him amused. He would sometimes get wheeled around in a wheelchair, going to an activity room set up on his hospital level. There would be kids there, most definitely suffering from some horrible disease like him, and there would be the odd magician performance for entertainment. Quite like hospital clowns as well. Akaashi hated them and their stupid magic wands. He was dying in his early 20's, there was nothing magical about the shitty hospital.

His days were just filled with silence and the beeping from his heart monitor. Akaashi always wondered why there was a second bed in his room, but no one had ever occupied it for years. You would think a busy hospital would use the extra space, but then again, it happened to be that his level was not very popular. Not everyone had some crippling disease after all.

He was pulled out of his wandering thoughts by the sound of a loud male coming from right outside his room.

_What the actual fu-_

"Heya! Wow, is this really my room?!" The extremely loud male boomed, jumping onto the empty bed across from Akaashi's.

"Yes, dear. Please lower your voice, there are patients here," said an older looking woman in an almost-whisper.

Akaashi was dumbfounded. He could have sworn his mouth hung slightly agape for a few minutes.

_Who the hell was this guy? He better not be staying in here, he thought to himself._

Suddenly, the two males slowly made eye contact and Akaashi's eyes grew wide before shoving his nose into his book. He tried to ignore the stranger now approaching the side of his bed, and he thought it worked too. Until he saw two golden-colored eyes appear right in front of his book. He sighed and rested it on his lap, the energetic male raising his head, a large grin plastered on his face.

"Can I help you?" Akaashi asked with a monotone voice and tired eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt your book reading there, just wanted to introduce myself haha. You look pretty interesting, my name is Bokuto Koutarou. What's yours, roommate?"

_Roommate._

The one word Akaashi shriveled up at. _Why him of all people. Why not a quiet, intelligent roommate at least._

"None of your business, but thanks for the introduction," the annoyed male replied, picking his book back up.

Bokuto's grin faded a bit, a more determined expression taking over. Akaashi saw in the corner of his eye that the white and black-haired male was about to say something but was interrupted by the older woman.

"Bokuto, please don't bother that patient. You can socialize later, come help unpack your things." She set a small suitcase on the bed and unzipped it. Inside was just a bunch of comic books, movies, and video games. How old was this guy anyway? He acted 14 but looked like he was 30 years old at the same time. Who even had natural white hair like him?

Akaashi was weirded out, yet for some reason, something drew him to this "Bokuto" person.

—————————————————

There was just silence. The room was only filled with the dim light of the hospital hallway coming from under the closed door. Akaashi also took note of the bright as hell light coming from his roommate's phone across the room. Bokuto had headphones in and was trying to contain the giggles that erupted from whatever he was watching.

Akaashi tried his absolute best to not glare at the male as he tried to peacefully read his book, the same one he had read at least 30 times now.

Golden eyes connected with his emerald ones, almost the same way they did during the morning when Bokuto arrived. Akaashi did not know why, but he felt his face get hot, the eye contact not breaking for some unknown reason. Bokuto blinked and then raced over to Akaashi's bed before he could even process it.

"You seem to be pretty into staring at people huh," Bokuto said with a small laugh, slightly bending forward.

"Wha- um no. No, I wasn't staring, I-I was ju-"

"Looked like staring to me. Wanna know what I'm watching? Here scooch over," the odd boy said as he tried to sit on the edge of the other's bed.

Akaashi had no choice but to move over, he was too weak to physically object, at least. Before he could say anything about Bokuto's left arm touching his right, he spoke up again.

"See look, it's this video compilation of cats doing dumb stuff. It's hilarious, look." Bokuto took one headphone out and passed it to Akaashi, and with an eye roll and sigh, he obliged and put it in his left ear.

Together they sat, watching stupid cat videos, Bokuto the only one genuinely amused. He really must be a child.

As the video continued, Akaashi's mind began to race. He was just so curious about this guy. He decided to ask the most basic question that kept popping up in his head.

-

**[listen to: separation no.2 by caspian]**

-

"So, er, Bokuto was it? What're you here for, if I may ask."

_Silence._

Akaashi was given no answer for a few minutes until he cleared his throat, catching Bokuto's attention finally.

"Huh? Oh, my bad, I get distracted easily. What am I here for you ask?" The boy cocked his head to the side, an expression of pondering was present on his face. "That's a good question...I have no idea." Bokuto then smiled and went back to his video.

The black-haired male's eyes were slowly growing bigger, trying to process what bullshit he just heard. _Was he serious? Did he really not know?_

"Dude, you're kidding, right? I mean, you didn't just agree to come here like it was some surprise party," Akaashi said with a slight laugh.

Bokuto paused the video and turned to Akaashi, no smile present on his face, seemingly for once.

"I get the confusion. I'm confused too, Mr.I-Like-Staring-At-People. But no one ever told me anything. I know I'm sick. They just didn't want to tell me because they said I'd get all upset and stuff. I don't think so, but what can ya do." Bokuto's eyes trailed towards the window behind Akaashi, and he could have sworn he saw sadness filling his eyes as he stared off into the moonlight. There was a moment of silence before Akaashi responded.

"Well, I suppose I am rather sorry about that. However, I kinda like to imagine what being ignorant about this stuff is like. Maybe it'd be a bit nice, not needing to worry about when you'll die or if you even will, all 'cause of some stupid incurable disease." Akaashi's eyes never left the boy beside him, one ridden with silent pain. He just stayed there, analyzing.

"What're you here for then, Mr.I-Like-Staring-At-People," Bokuto asked, gaze finally glued to the emerald-eyed male.

"Okay, first of all, that nickname is gonna get REAL annoying, so my name is Akaashi. Akaashi Keiji. As for my gift from hell, I have Becker muscular dystrophy."

"Hmm...I like your name, Akaashi. But I never heard of, um, Bre-ker mus-cu-ler dys...dys-", Bokuto was struggling to pronounce it, so Akaashi just cut him off.

 _"Becker Muscular Dystrophy,_ and it's basically this disease that slowly weakens my skeletal and cardiac muscles." Seeing Bokuto's slightly confused expression, he continued, "meaning my muscles are getting weaker, and I have heart and breathing issues that worsen as well."

Bokuto nodded, showing he finally got it.

"Why do you talk about dying, though? Saying it's nice to be ignorant like me. Are you dying, Akaashi?"

The raven-haired male's gaze trailed down, picking at his short nails.

"Yes. Yes, I am dying." He paused as he saw tears land on his hand.

_When did he start crying?_

Two warm hands encased Akaashi's cold, pale ones. His eyes shot up to look at the other person present.

"Don't cry, Akaashi. I've been alone for a while, you know. I found you in this room though. You're just as lonely as me. But don't worry, there's no getting rid of me now. I'll make sure the rest of your life is the best it's ever been, even if that's 1 week or 10 years. I promise."

Bokuto's golden eyes stared right into Akaashi's emerald ones. They conveyed a simple message.

I will never leave your side.

And Akaashi did cry. He cried and cried. All in front of this strange new _friend._

—————————————————

_That was unexpected._

The last thing Akaashi expected to do was cry in front of his hospital roommate. Sure, he had thought about being his friend, but when morning came, he was just embarrassed. To make the embarrassment worse, his newfound "friend" was asleep at the bottom of his bed, half of his 6'1 body off the edge. He found the scene a little funny, _just a little._

The humorous image didn't last long because Bokuto began moving and groaning, signs he was probably awake.

"Akaashi, 's that you?" The male said in a raspy voice while looking up, rubbing his eyes with his forearm.

_Why on earth is he so concerned with me first thing in the morning._

Akaashi stretched slightly and then responded.

"Um yeah, obviously I'm here. The better question is why're you passed out on my bed?" He crossed his arms, eyebrow raised.

"Oh, that's simple. 'Cause you kept crying until you fell asleep. I was worried, so I stayed up to make sure everything was okay. Guess I dozed off too haha." Bokuto smiled and scratched the back of his head. He stood up, stretched properly, and then headed to the bathroom.

Akaashi was left sitting there, blushing for what feels like the 100th time only within the past day.

————

Today was unfortunately one of Akaashi's physical therapy days. He was supposed to start doing it every day eventually, but for the moment he only had the energy to do it every two days. Part of him was a bit jealous of his roommate, only because he seemed to be walking much easier than himself. He would never, ever admit that though.

Bokuto was busy with his phone once again, eyes peering up to see Akaashi getting pushed outside their room.

"Where're you going?" He spoke up.

The nurse stopped pushing so Akaashi could answer.

"Physical therapy." Then he left, not letting the white-haired male respond.

That was unfortunately how the next few days went with the two roommates. Bokuto was too energetic for a hospital patient and Akaashi was not interested in getting a headache. However, they would always end up talking in the middle of the night for some reason. They would not converse about anything in particular, just whatever came to their own minds.

Akaashi ended up finding out that Bokuto's parents were no longer around, and the old woman was just an old nurse that watched over him. He also loved volleyball, just like him, but definitely loved it a lot more.

They were slowly but surely becoming friends, but only one of them didn't realize it quite yet.

—————————————————

**[listen to: over the pond by the album leaf]**

-

"Hey, Akaashi!" The childish 21-year-old beamed. "I know this place at the hospital, I think you'll really like it. Wanna come?"

Akaashi was lying in his bed reading, just like he was every single day. Bokuto's mysterious beckoning definitely caught his interest. Plus, he found himself growing more fond of his loudness and endless energy.

"Um, sure. As long as it isn't dangerous or something."

"What? Me do something dangerous? As if, Akaashi," he responded with a joking scoff. "Okay, okay, let's go. I see your therapy isn't going too bad, but do you need a wheelchair?"

Akaashi closed his book, nodding. Then Bokuto walked over to grab a wheelchair already in their room, guiding it over to the weak male.

"One wheelchair coming up. That'll be five dollars, kind sir." Bokuto held his hand out as if he was genuinely asking for money.

"You wish, Mr. Chaperone."

Both males laughed a bit, Bokuto's eyes wide because he never heard his friend genuinely laugh before. He had been roommates with Akaashi for a couple of weeks now, and he always found the jokes dumb or annoying. However, this time he actually went along with it. If that wasn't friendship progress, then Bokuto didn't know what was.

————

As they were finally about to approach Bokuto's secret destination, Akaashi sort of understood where he was being led. His suspicions were proven correct once they were outside, surrounded by flowers and a large fountain in the middle.

"Ta-da! It's a flower garden," Bokuto said as he stretched his arms out, almost to present their surroundings.

"It's...nice," the other male responded.

He frowned over Akaashi's lack of enthusiasm.

"Come oooooooon, Akaashi. Aren't you a little happier than that? Last time I checked, you haven't been outside in weeks."

Akaashi's eyes slightly widened. He hadn't realized that his roommate noticed such things. He stared at him and then looked around, finally starting to take in the environment presented to him. Of course the mixture of vibrant flowers was pretty, he had always loved them.

"Make that months," Akaashi said quietly. "I guess the flowers are...pretty."

His energetic roommate's eyes lit up with joy, but he kept quiet.

For the next few hours, they sat together on a bench and simply just talked. Normally they did so at night, but Akaashi didn't necessarily hate doing it more often. Bokuto even helped him walk over to the flowers a little bit, even if he did object to the physical contact at first.

_Maybe this guy wasn't all that bad._

—————————————————

Weeks turned into almost 2 months and they were becoming closer it seemed. Their long conversations lasted all day, and then through the nights and into early mornings. At those late times, Bokuto would say it was so peaceful. It felt like they were the only two people in the world and he loved that. Akaashi never knew how to respond to such comments, so his cheeks would always redden with silence.

Bokuto even attended physical therapy with him, but not to necessarily participate. Just to spend time together. They kept up with the same routine every day until the worst accident could have happened.

While Akaashi was hanging onto the handrail near the stairs, Bokuto was dancing around and being energetic, nothing out of the ordinary. But he was still sick. In his case, being sick meant he was weak at times as well. This led to him tripping over his foot and getting knocked unconscious after an intense fall down the stairs.

Akaashi went into full-on panic attack mode. He was in complete distress, yelling for nurses and crying. He attempted to go down the stairs to check on him but slightly tripped.

Staff came and instantly helped them both, Akaashi being much more okay than his friend. He didn't want Bokuto to be taken away from him, but there was no choice. He needed immediate care.

Hours later, he was finally returned to their shared room and Akaashi carefully walked over to the bed. Tears once again began to fall as he looked down at his resting face.

_Why couldn't it have been me?_

—————————————————

Bokuto's eyes opened.

He couldn't really hear much around him. Fading voices muddled together, vision blurry. He tried to regain focus, blinking, and blinking.

"...awake."

_What was that?_

"...s awake!" A voice sounded surprised.

"Bokuto, can you hear me?"

Suddenly, Boktuo's eyes opened wide, his vision and hearing slowly coming back. He could make out a figure leaning slightly over him.

"A-Akaashi? A-are you t-there?" A raspy, quiet voice called out. Two hands found their way onto Bokuto's cold left hand.

"Yes, I'm here, I've been here. I'm not going anywhere. Y-you had m-me so w-worried." Emerald eyes filled with tears, spilling out because of the previously unconscious male. "D-don't ever scare m-me like t-that again."

Bokuto's hand shakingly reached up to wipe away Akaashi's tears, holding his hand on his cheek as he smiled.

"I'm s-sorry, but I'm h-here now."

Akaashi leaned down and embraced Bokuto in a hug, trying not to hurt him as he was lying down.

For the past few days, Akaashi was going practically insane. He would sit beside Bokuto every day and sometimes fell asleep next to him if a nurse didn't make him get into bed. He would read to him, hoping Bokuto would hear his words and awaken. He knew the white-haired male loved being read to.

His anxiety was through the roof the whole time, but even after Bokuto awoke, he was still worried. He wanted to be sure his _best friend_ was alright.

"H-hey, Akaashi," the raven-haired male made a 'hmm' sound in response. "W-what exactly h-happened to m-me?"

_Of course he doesn't remember._

"Well, Bokuto, you and I were trying to walk together in the hallway. I had to hold onto the handrail, and you kept saying you were fine. However, we reached the staircase and your legs suddenly gave out. You tripped and fell down the stairs, which clearly got you extremely hurt. Like, look at your broken arm. You always told me to be careful, but you can't even look after yourself. I was scared shitless, Bokuto. Why the hell would yo-" Akaashi stopped himself. He realized his words turned into anger. The frustration he had over Bokuto getting hurt was coming out.

Those owl-like golden eyes were staring at him for what felt like the millionth time. And every time, Akaashi got butterflies.

"I'm sorry, Akaashi, I-I really am. I promise I'll b-be more careful, o-okay?" Bokuto's eyes showed genuine sadness. He knew he hurt his friend. He never wanted Akaashi to be sad, not with the time he had left.

Akaashi once again bent down to hug Bokuto, the hug lasting longer than the first one.

"Thank you."

————

For the next couple of days, Bokuto was basically bed-ridden. The doctors wanted to make sure he was okay before he started moving again. No one wanted to risk another fall down some stairs- or worse. Akaashi was beside him the whole time, of course, sometimes being pulled away for physical therapy every day.

For the first time in years, Akaashi seemed to actually be making process while walking. He needed support, but he would spend more than half of his waking hours in bed in the past. This was definitely some sort of an improvement, and he especially loved telling Bokuto all about it.

"Bokuto! Bokuto, guess what! I let go of the handrail for almost twenty minutes and walked, can you believe it?" Akaashi was ecstatic, Bokuto's smile even wider.

"Maybe we can finally go on an adventure like we talked about, Akaashi!"

"Yeah, maybe." He gave a warm smile, trying to softly flatten some hair sticking out from Bokuto's head.

More days passed, and after a week of Bokuto being checked up on and monitored almost all the time, he was finally allowed to move. It definitely worried Akaashi, just like how literally everything else Bokuto did worried him, but he trusted that he was ready.

"Akaaaaaashi, I can do it on my ooooowwwwnnn," Bokuto whined as he sat up and gently swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Okay, okay, fine. Just be very careful please." He wavered slightly as he sat in a chair next to the bed, arms ready to get launched up towards Bokuto for support at any second.

However, his panic was unnecessary. The owl-like male slowly pushed off the bed and stood on his feet just fine.

"See? What'd I tell ya, I'm fine!" Bokuto beamed, trying to raise both arms like a gymnast. Unfortunately, he forgot he had a cast on his arm and hit himself in the side of the head instead.

"Yeah, _fine,_ " Akaashi teased back. "Anyway, let's get you walking then. And some actual clothes too. No offense, but that hospital gown is not working for you."

"Akaaaaashi, sooo meeeeeaaan", Bokuto's hair deflated a bit at his friend's cruel words, almost as if his hair could show emotions.

He trudged on, however, managing to walk over to a small closet with some clothes hung up. Akaashi told him to pick the blue t-shirt and grey shorts. Bokuto was about to change in the washroom but paused and slowly turned around.

"What's wrong?" Akaashi asked, tilting his head.

"...How do I get the shirt on with a cast..."

Akaashi tsked and summoned the 6'1 male over with a wave of his hand.

"I'll help you then."

Bokuto then stood there, wearing shorts and no shirt, in front of Akaashi. His face turned slightly red, never being so clothing-less in front of someone before. Not even his old volleyball team back in high school.

The raven-haired male could definitely tell Bokuto was once quite athletic, considering how in shape he seemed to be. His face, too, turned a light shade of pink as he helped his friend into his shirt.

"Um, t-there. All g-good. Super simple, right?" Akaashi looked around the room a bit, rubbing his palms on his legs.

"Haha yeah, thanks Akaashi. What would I do without you," Bokuto smiled and then went to the bathroom to put his new shorts on.

It was silent until Akaashi heard from the bathroom, "UH AKAASHI, HOW DO I PUT MY PANTS ON WITH ONE HAND?"

"BOKUTO I AM NOT HELPING WITH THAT. IT'S EASY," Akaashi said loudly back, face growing redder.

_He's going to be the death of me._

—————————————————

**[listen to: then the quiet explosion by hammock]**

-

"Akaashi, are you sure you can handle walking this much? I really don't wanna push you." Bokuto genuinely was concerned for his friend.

Akaashi had indeed been getting better with physical therapy, but he absolutely didn't want him to collapse.

"Don't worry, Bokuto, I'm fine. Promise," he said with a small smile.

The two males found themselves walking through a seemingly empty town area. Small lanterns lit up the sky in some places, storefronts with dancing neon signs. It was going to get dark soon, but that is exactly what they wanted. A small adventure, just a bit away from the hospital.

Both of them were only allowed to go out after being thoroughly checked out, and Bokuto seemed to be in a little bit better shape than Akaashi with his cast now off. With that being the case, he was told to keep an eye on the six-foot male. Akaashi, however, did not fully accept that. He was definitely more responsible and careful than Bokuto could ever be. He could look after himself, for the most part.

"Akaashi, I think we're almost there. I remember it being somewhere around here." Bokuto was starting to walk a little faster, excited about their destination.

"Bokuto, wait. I can't walk super fast, you know." The white-haired male didn't seem to hear him, probably too distracted again.

At this point, they had moved completely away from the town's lights. Akaashi was going to attempt calling out to his friend once more, but he noticed he already came to a stop. When he finally caught up, he saw it.

"It's beautiful, right Akaashi ?" Bokuto looked over and smiled, breathing slightly heavy from his speed walking.

Before them stood miles and miles of daisies, seeming to go on endlessly. The sun was setting, creating a pastel purple and pink atmosphere, and mountains could be seen in the farthest reaches of the field.

"Bokuto...how on _earth_ did you find this place? It's beautiful. It really is." Akaashi truly was in complete awe. He just stood there, taking in every little thing that surrounded him. It didn't even feel like they were anywhere near the town they just came from.

"Haha, a man like me never reveals his secrets. Gotta have some impressive things up my sleeve. How else am I supposed to make you happy?"

Bokuto then closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, and fell backward. His back collided with the daisies; some petals flew up. Akaashi just watched his friend. He truly was captivated by this seemingly mysterious person. Then he followed in suit, falling backward, and letting all his thoughts travel up towards the clouds.

There they laid together, staring up at all the endless possibilities that floated around them, encasing them in their own little world.

"Say, Akaashi, you wanna leave this place one day? Go on an adventure, just the two of us." Bokuto's eyes didn't leave the sky, but Akaashi turned to him.

"How can we leave? We're both prisoners of our own diseases."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to get better. Then we can leave. We can find a paradise just for us."

The black-haired male's heart fluttered, the butterflies in his stomach danced around. How is it that one person can silently mean so much to him?

"You promise, Akaashi? Promise you'll take me away from here?"

He was met with silence, just watching the owl-man's side profile as he continued to search for something beyond this world. Then Akaashi felt his hand warm-up. Golden eyes met his emerald ones.

"I promise, Akaashi."

Everything stood still as they watched each other. It was like the world stopped spinning all just for them. All that was left was their chests raising a lowering, and a light breeze lifting the hem of Akaashi's faded red sweater.

For the first time in years, he felt something. Something he thought he had lost long ago. _Was this happiness?_

The sun began to set even more, the pastel sky slowly disappearing. Akaashi was starting to feel drowsy, the field all too peaceful. His eyes never left his friend, his hand slowly grasping the other's. Bokuto was almost always much warmer than himself. It was comforting.

As he laid in bliss, his eyes closed gently, drifting off into a light slumber. This was everything he wanted. This moment was enough to make him happy for the rest of his life, even as simple as it was. He wanted this forever.

Within Akaashi's mind, he thought he had a dream. Words, colors, visions all danced around each other. For some reason, something within him ached.

_"We can find a paradise just for us"._

Why was that single sentence etched into his brain? It felt too familiar. His whole body felt like it was on fire, but nothing hurt. The sensation was pleasant. He wanted to stay this way for just a little bit longer.

**"Akaashi."**

His eyes shot open at the sudden call of his name. It took him a minute to understand his surroundings, but he knew one thing for sure. Bokuto was gone.

Panic took over and although sore, Akaashi tried his best to stand up.

_He left me. Bokuto left me._

"Bokuto? Bokuto, are you there?" He yelled, breathing heavily.

There was no one, he was completely alone. Akaashi started to walk back toward the town. He knew his body couldn't handle the strain, but he quickened anyway. He was about to run, but his legs gave out, and instantly fell into the daises face first. His sobbing filled the serene landscape, clawing at the ground. He laid there completely defeated and in agony.

_How could he do this? I-I thought h-he..._

Akaashi trailed off in his own mind. Bokuto _promised_ to take him away. But he left without him.

The long grass moved, a figure suddenly appearing near the edge of the field.

"Oh my god, Akaashi!" A familiar voice called out, running towards the male on the ground.

"Jesus Christ, what happened? Are you okay?"

Akaashi used all of his energy to look up at the kneeling person.

"B-Bokuto?" His voice strained.

The white-haired male tightly hugged him, and tears filled both of their eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry. I-I was lying with y-you, but you w-wouldn't wake up. I tried to get someone to come help, but the hospital was too far away. I tried to ask for help in town and no one was around. I'm sorry I left you alone like this." Bokuto picked up Akaashi and carried him on his back. "I'll take you back now."

"Bokuto wait, I'm t-too heavy for y-you. You're sick, don't forg-"

"I'm fine," Bokuto said confidently.

Akaashi stayed silent, not wanting to argue, and let his friend carry him back to the hospital.

—————————————————

"Akaaaaaaashi," Bokuto whined.

"What do you want now," he responded in a slightly annoyed, but playful tone.

"You have any games on your phone? I've played all mine."

"No, Bokuto, I don't have games on my phone. Are you really that bored?"

The white-haired male pouted with puppy dog eyes in response. Akaashi sighed and suggested they play some sort of game in the activity room. He, of course, agreed and they traveled over.

Upon reaching the room, Bokuto had asked which game they were going to play.

"How about chess. Have you played before?" Akaashi asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Nope! Sounds cool though, let's play."

He grabbed the board and pieces off a shelf and placed them on the table Akaashi sat at. Bokuto had no clue how to even set up the pieces, so he let his friend do all the work.

"Okay. I'll explain what each piece does and if you forget, just ask me about it again." He was about to start but got interrupted.

"Hey what's this tower thingy? And this tall one?"

"Bokuto, I was literally about to explain. That's not a _'tower thingy'_ it's a rook. The tall one is the king, obviously."

The curious male made an 'o' expression and stayed silent for the rest of the explanation.

When Akaashi finished talking, the board was set up and they were ready to play. However, after about 20 minutes of Bokuto staring at his knight, he sighed loudly.

"Akaashi, my brain hurts. Can we play something else?"

The raven-haired male just smiled and agreed.

"Which game next?" He said, packing up the chess pieces.

"Hmmm, Monopoly! I like games with dice and little pieces. My favorite is the dog, so can I be that one?"

Bokuto truly sounded like a carefree child sometimes, but that was what Akaashi liked most.

————

**[listen to: we're hitting everything (ambient) by the american dollar]**

-

"Um..." a quiet voice spoke up.

"Um?" Akaashi responded, a bit surprised by his friend's changed tone.

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you. But it may be a little stupid so I dunno..." Bokuto trailed off, rolling an unused game piece between his fingers.

"Bokuto, you're my friend and all, but half of the things you say to me are a bit dumb sometimes. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's fine."

A familiar silence filled the room before he finally decided to speak his mind.

"You wanna run away with me, Akaashi?"

_What?_

Akaashi's head had a million different things running through it.

"I-It's stupid, I-I know. Don't bother ans-"

"No," He finally said. "...No, it's fine, I mean." They both eyed each other, Bokuto's were wide. "Are you serious, though?"

"Yeah."

Akaashi felt something inside of him shift. It was a warm feeling, like a moving force that kept pointing in the direction of his dear friend. That was the moment he had finally realized that this must be why he was created. It was to go be with him and never look back on anyone or anything.

Neither had to exchange any more words. They already knew it was settled, that they would be leaving this world behind to create their own.

—————————————————

_What were they even doing?_

The day had arrived when their plans were going to come to fruition. For some reason, Akaashi suddenly had no clue what was truly happening. His surroundings were moving too fast and he forgot why he agreed to such an idea. Then the soothing voice of a familiar person reminded him instantly of it all. He was doing this for _him_ , for _them._

"Are you sure you'll be fine without any support? Walking has been much easier it seems, but I doubt we'll stumble across any emergency wheelchairs after this," a concerned Bokuto asked.

"Yes, yes. I'll be okay. Just hurry with the packing."

They had no idea if this insane idea of theirs would even work. How are they going to literally sneak out of a hospital, on a close-monitored level too? Bokuto said to jump out the window, but Akaashi told him they were on the seventh floor and that it was an awful idea. Then, he had the idea to use a disguise. They, of course, planned at least a week in advance to slowly take pieces of clothing from the activity room on their level. Akaashi knew some kids would play dress up, and some adults would join. Their solution was to basically pretend to be hospital workers, the ones that entertained sad little kids.

"Here, take your mask." Akaashi handed his friend one white mask, and he had one for himself. It was the final piece of the clothing puzzle and their, hopefully, one-way ticket out of this shit hole of a hospital.

They made sure not to pack a whole lot since a large suitcase may be too suspicious and tiring to carry long distances. They packed toothbrushes, toothpaste, a couple of clothes, and Bokuto's favorite video game. Only because he cried at the thought of leaving it behind. Money wasn't even a current issue because Akaashi was left with his own credit card, courtesy of his mother and father that were too "busy" to visit. They always told him it was for emergencies only, and this adventure was definitely considered one, right?

They had two backpacks, two masks, and began their journey with a nod.

————

The two friends felt the cool, autumn air on their skin as they made it out of hell. They each took their masks off, breathing somewhat heavy.

"W-We did it, Akaashi," Bokuto said as a smile grew on his face.

"Yeah, we actually did, holy shit."

They turned, both laughing, and tightly hugged each other. They were finally free. They could finally be together, forever.

"Soooooo...what now?" Akaashi questioned, sitting on a bus stop bench.

Bokuto appeared to be thinking rather hard until his face lit up with, hopefully, a good idea.

"Let's go find a nice garden. Must be one somewhere, right?"

"...But it's almost 1 am. Are we just gonna walk down some dark alley in hopes we'll find some hidden grove?" Akaashi laughed a bit, watching his friend sit next to him.

"No, silly. We'll ride the bus," Bokuto responded with his usual, heart-melting smile. "Don't start thinking I forgot about my promise. We'll find a paradise one day."

Akaashi felt different. There was no way to even describe how his heart lit up or the warmth that spread throughout his body, despite the cold October air. It was almost as if in this moment, and this moment alone, he really did feel free. But not alone.

He hesitated at first, but his pale hand slowly found its way over to Bokuto's. Their fingers gently touched slightly, causing golden eyes to meet emerald ones. Then as if pushed and caressed by the breeze itself, their hands intertwined.

For some unexplainable reason, something felt wrong about it all. The glances, the hitched breathes, skin touching skin. But neither male ever stopped, no one actually said it was wrong. And so, they walked along through each other's lives. Akaashi tried to find a new path, tried to avoid the clash at all costs. He refused to lose someone or to be lost. However, it would seem the universe was against him. Because now it was too late to let go, too late to pack up his feelings and abandon the only good thing he had left.

_Is this okay? Can I really feel this happy without a cost?_

Akaashi was so focused on his beating heart and endless thoughts, he had yet to realize that Bokuto stood up, hands still together. He shook his head, finally seeing the bus was in front of them. He, too, stood up and they walked on.

————

Akaashi sat next to the window; his breath slightly fogged his reflection. He stared outside, watching as the lights and lampposts glided by. In the window, he saw his golden-eyed friend's gaze drawn upon him, and he smiled. Bokuto grabbed his hand, offering an earbud to Akaashi.

Similar to the first day they met, they sat and listened to music together.

-

**[listen to: buzzcut season by lorde]**

-

They finally felt at ease. The adventurous and mysterious life Akaashi never knew he wanted- no needed- was unfolding right in front of him. And he couldn't be more in love with it all, with him. But neither male needed to voice such thoughts. They silently and knowingly loved one another. And they were happy that way, holding hands on the midnight bus. It was almost like a dream.

Neither of them was sure of their destination. They were simply riding until the last stop, for that was the whole point, visiting unexpected places. As hours passed, more people got off the bus until it was left with just them. The driver had let them know that they needed to get off at the next stop, and they nodded in acknowledgment.

Music still playing, they walked off and back into the unknown world before them.

Taking in their surroundings, they seemed to be outside of the busy town, now near the countryside. The moon somewhat lit up a path that appeared to go on forever. Their eyes connected and then gazed upon their future.

————

The friends had been walking for what felt like quite a while, Akaashi growing somewhat tired from the exercise.

"Would you like to get on my back?" Bokuto asked as he stopped walking.

"Mm it's fine. If you have to walk then so do I," he responded, waving his hand slightly.

However, Bokuto did not accept his answer and instead scooped him up in his arms, almost like a bride. Akaashi just gasped out of surprise and his face turned beet red once he was so close to Bokuto.

"No objections, sir. Let us march forward."

Akaashi actually _didn't_ object, no matter how much he wanted to out of embarrassment. He stayed quiet as they continued down the mysterious dirt path.

Trees and lush plants began to appear in large amounts, and Bokuto had a feeling they were getting closer to his desired destination. Akaashi was beginning to grow tired as his friend carried him, the warmth comforting him like always.

"Are your arms tired yet?" He asked in a drowsy voice.

"Don't worry about me. I think we'll stop soon anyway," Bokuto responded. He truly must have had an endless amount of energy, and it always surprised Akaashi.

Almost as if he really could predict the future, Bokuto stopped walking as a beautiful flower garden stretched out in front of the pair.

"Akaashi," he gently whispered.

The male gave a tired moan, looking out at the garden. He got placed down, Bokuto still holding onto his sides to keep him from accidentally falling over. He rubbed his eyes and together they walked over to a tree to sit against.

————

**[listen to: lvr boy by awfultune]**

-

"Hey," Akaashi spoke up quietly, and Bokuto hummed in response. "What if this is too good to be true."

"What do you mean?"

Akaashi snuggled closer to his friend, breathing in the cool scent of the 2 am air.

"I mean, what if this really is some dream. It's too perfect. I've never had anything like this before."

"What if it was. Would you be sad, Akaashi?"

"...No." The raven-haired male paused in thought. "I think I would like to keep dreaming forever if this isn't real. I get to spend every waking moment with you. I would never ask for anything to change."

Bokuto didn't respond right away. He was simply taking in everything his best friend had just said.

"Have you ever imagined a world outside of here? Looking at the stars, there must be someplace out there." He looked down at Akaashi and his eyes were shining, the sky and each star reflecting off his emerald orbs. He truly was beautiful. Bokuto thought he held the universe in his eyes alone, every inch of pale skin a mystery waiting to be unfolded with one touch.

He loved Akaashi more than life itself.

"Bokuto, do you think the stars have feelings?"

He laughed softly and then spoke up.

"What kinda question is that hmm? I ask the odd questions around here." Then he too glanced up, moonlight illuminating his face. "But maybe. Maybe they do."

"...By the way, you must not be that sick, right? You're like an energetic, happy, carefree person. I just don't get it."

Bokuto didn't answer him, but he felt his breaths become a bit shakier as he laid against him.

"Is there something you're not telling me, Bokuto?" Akaashi asked, but not wanting to push too far.

"...Do you trust me?" He said softly into the back of Akaashi's wavy, black hair.

"More than anything."

"Then don't worry about me. Everything will be okay soon."

_Soon?_

Akaashi had one million thoughts and questions to ask, but he knew not to say anything. He knew Bokuto wouldn't answer. Instead, they continued to watch the sky until sleep graced them.

————

The next morning, or afternoon rather, Akaashi woke up first. He stretched and attempted to wake his friend up, who had a small amount of drool on his chin. A couple of shakes and name-calling woke him up with a moan. He blinked a million times, finally focusing on the slim male in front of him.

"Is it daytime already, Adrien?" He said sluggishly.

"Mhm, come on. We gotta get up." Akaashi pulled on Bokuto's arm, "Let's actually do something today."

That one sentence made Bokuto light up like his usual, energetic self.

"You wanna do something? Yay, let's go then!"

With their bags still packed, they set off to find a new adventure.

————

**[listen to: circular as our way by hammock]**

-

Not too long after walking, they ended up finding a small countryside town. There were barely any people and they sort of liked that peaceful atmosphere. Bokuto had asked if Akaashi was hungry at all, and then they found a nice place to eat. After they paid and left, a rustic bike rental shop caught the white-haired male's attention.

"Akaashi, look!" He dragged his friend gently toward the bikes, and Akaashi didn't even have any time to comment before he rented one.

"This'll make traveling easier. Hop on," he said, pointing to the back of the bike.

"...How am I supposed to get on that? Is this safe?" Akaashi asked with a worried tone.

Bokuto simply explained that he just needed to put his feet on the back wheel pegs, grab his shoulders, and stand up behind him.

"Don't worry, I thought you trusted me."

"...I do."

With that, the two friends were on the bike, and Bokuto peddled off. Neither had a single clue what their next adventure would be, but that never mattered. All they cared about was being together in the end. Akaashi would follow Bokuto to the edge of the universe if he had to.

"Woah! Akaashi, check it out! So much water, I've never seen so much of it like this before," Bokuto took one hand off of the handlebars and pointed to their right. Alongside the quiet road was indeed a beautiful ocean, reflecting the golden evening sky off the water. The light glimmered and danced on the surface, almost like fairies and fireflies.

It was breathtaking, for Akaashi hadn't seen the ocean in years. He remembered always loving the smell of the breeze when he was a child, back when his parents would take him to the beach. He never even saw his parents anymore.

Captivated by the view, Akaashi took it as inspiration to close his eyes, arms stretching out to each side. His fear of falling was left on the road, never to be seen again. He stayed silent and simply took in every sound and smell that graced his senses.

_This must be what **living** is like._

—————

Not too long after their ocean encounter, Akaashi's eyes were still closed, but his hands were back on Bokuto's shoulders as he buried his face in his soft hair.

"Akaashi, look!" Bokuto seemed happy to see a large field with hundreds of white, yellow, and pink flowers. It reminded him of the daisy field they visited together almost 2 months ago.

He opened his eyes to see the field his friend was so happy about.

"You wanna check it out?"

Bokuto nodded and the bike slowly came to a halt. He let Akaashi get off first, then he followed. The white-haired male bent down and picked a flower, showing it to Akaashi.

"Do you know what this one is called? Haven't really seen them a whole lot."

"Oh, that's just a white carnation. I used to read books about flowers, so I know a decent amount about them now."

"What about these?" He asked again, pointing to new flowers.

"Easy, peace lilies. Although I've never seen them in a field like this before. I've only ever seen them in forests." Akaashi shrugged and laid the bike on the ground, sitting down in the field. Bokuto shifted positions and sat with him.

————

Bokuto gave a sigh of relief, Akaashi curious as to what he had been doing for the past hour or so. He turned around and presented a flower crown made of yellow roses, white carnations, and finally some peace lilies.

"Here, this is for you. I remember my mum taught me this cool craft years ago." Bokuto smiled and handed over his gift.

Akaashi's whole face turned red, never seeing such a sweet and beautiful gift, and the crown was placed upon his black hair.

"You...you look beautiful, Akaashi," Bokuto said, a blush dusting his cheeks as well.

"T-Thank you. No o-one has ever s-said that before..." He looked down at his hands and fidgeted with a petalless flower.

Bokuto's hand reached out and grabbed the embarrassed male's chin, tilting his head up to make eye contact.

"Well, they should. I hope you believe me when I say it."

Akaashi's eyes were wide and staring right into the golden orbs before him.

"I-I...believe you, I guess."

"No, No, No. I don't accept guesses. You better call yourself beautiful right now. And mean it too."

He sat there and waited, not planning to give in at all it seemed. Akaashi could only cooperate at this point.

"F-Fine," he paused to clear his throat, "I, Akaashi Keiji, am...b-beautiful." His eyes tightly shut out of embarrassment. However, Bokuto was more than happy.

"You know, sitting in fields seems to be the one thing we do like all the time," Akaashi said with a smile.

"Is that a problem? I-I thought you liked flowers and stuff, that's why I always-"

"Hey, hey, it's fine. I do like this stuff." The pair smiled at each other, Bokuto lying down and pulling out his phone.

He motioned to Akaashi, asking him to lay down too. He obliged and they stared up at the fading golden sky that slowly became dark lavender. Bokuto was playing calming music and everything felt magical. Everything felt peaceful.

-

**[listen to: we watched you disappear by hammock]**

-

"...Akaashi."

He looked over at Bokuto, whose tone sounded a little more sad than normal.

"What's wrong?" He questioned in response.

"You remember how you thought about this being too good to be true?"

Akaashi stiffened a bit. Why was he asking?

"W-Well, yeah. Why're you mentioning this...?"

Bokuto sat up and held his friend's hands in his own, staring at him.

"Listen. You..." tears filled his eyes as he tried to get the words out. He just didn't want to. "Y-You have to g-go."

Akaashi's vision blurred. He didn't even properly process what Bokuto had just said. He was way too confused.

"Wait w-what? Bokuto what are you talking about? Don't say shit like that, are you trying to push me away or something?" He was starting to cry himself, feeling a panic attack rising to the surface.

"Wha- no. No, no, no. Akaashi, don't cry," he said as he warmly hugged the other.

"Then why would you say that to me?" Akaashi hugged back, tears staining the white-haired male's dark blue sweater.

"...I'm sorry. I-I didn't want to tell you like this. I didn't wanna tell you at all, Akaashi. But you need to listen now, okay?"

He sniffled and backed away from the hug, showing Bokuto that he was ready to listen.

"This place is perfect, right? We escaped together, rode around on bikes and midnight buses, visiting fields and gardens, watching the stars. It's amazing. Almost like a dream."

Akaashi's eyes started to fill up again as he watched his best friend stare hopelessly at the sky.

_No._

"The truth is..."

_Don't say it._

"You..."

_Please._

"You were right."

His body felt like it was on fire. Just like it once was during his dream in the daisy field.

He didn't care if he was dreaming, so why did it hurt so much? Why was he clutching his chest as if it would latch him to this world in his mind?

"D-Don't..." he stumbled over his words quietly. "D-Don't leave me. You promised you'd take me with you." His voice cracked and he started to sob.

Bokuto reached over to wipe his tears with his sleeve.

"No, Akaashi. It's you who is leaving me."

"I don't wanna go, don't make me go, Bokuto. Please don't let me go." He grabbed his hands and latched on for dear life.

But Bokuto didn't hold on. He wouldn't let himself keep his love here any longer. It was too cruel.

"I'm sorry. Do you understand why I must set you free?" Akaashi frantically shook his head no. "You need to move on, move on from me. It's okay, Akaashi. The pain is there for a reason. It shows just how much I meant to you, but don't ignore it. Don't pretend it isn't there. I hate seeing you cry, so smile for me. You're finally going to be lifted from this burden."

"But I don't care about being free. I just want you. All this is what I want, not to go back to someplace without you there." Bokuto shushed him softly, hugging him tightly one last time. Akaashi melted into it, not wanting to lose the warmth he felt.

"Please, promise me we won't meet like this again. Let's meet properly next time, okay?" Akaashi held on tighter.

"...I-I promise."

And with those final words, the warmth began to slowly disappear. Akaashi's eyes shot open and backed away from his friend.

He...He was leaving. Bokuto was turning into flower petals before his very eyes.

"No...NO!" Akaashi yelled at the top of his lungs, reaching out for something, _anything,_ to grab onto. He searched for that warmth, for that smile, his laugh, his golden eyes. But it was gone. He was all gone, peace lilies floating through his fingers and up into the darkening sky, searching for a new home.

There he sat, completely defeated and cheeks stained with still flowing tears. He stared up, waiting for Bokuto to come back. He waited for this to all be some nightmare and he would wake up in his arms. But he didn't. This was his reality. He was alone.

He couldn't move. He couldn't even breathe properly. His light breath hitched as he saw a petal float down toward him. His instincts told him to hold out his hand, and it landed right on his palm. However, it wasn't a petal. It was a small piece of folded paper.

His outstretched hand shook as he pulled it in. Carefully, he then unfolded it.

Akaashi's heart ached. His eyes read it a million times, just over and over and over. Written in Bokuto's shaky handwriting was something he wasn't sure he even wanted to read.

**"I love you."**

_Why? Why, why, why?_

Akaashi couldn't handle the pain. Yet he smiled. He smiled as his eyes burned from crying. He looked up again and reached his hand out toward the sky.

"I love you, too."

The world around him began to blur. The clouds dissolved and the sky crumbled, flowers floating away. He realized it really was time to wake up.

Akaashi held the paper close to his chest and closed his eyes, relaxing and lying down on what was left of his dream; what was left of his world where Bokuto lived on. A world where he was forever loved.

His whole body felt numb and there was only silence. He could no longer even open his eyes. Then suddenly, everything rushed back into him at once, his heart beating faster and faster. And there he saw them. His memories from long ago.

Memories of his best friend, Bokuto.

————

**Akaashi's Memories**

————

**[listen to: become the warm jets by current joys]**

-

Bokuto was probably the palest Akaashi had ever seen him. His slowly thinning body made it even worse.

_Why him? Why did it have to be him?_

Akaashi hated that such a kind, loving person was forced to go through hell. It made him so angry to see the single most important person in his life get ripped out of his grasp, _and for what?_

He couldn't even speak anymore because it was too tiring. Weeks ago, Akaashi had only just come to terms with the fact that they can no longer go on adventures together. Bokuto couldn't leave his bed. He was doomed.

A frail hand tugged on his sweater, pulling his attention back to the real world.

"What is it, Bokuto?" Akaashi strained.

The weak male pointed towards a pen and paper that was laying on the side table. Akaashi looked confused, knowing he would probably have a difficult time writing. Nonetheless, he grabbed said items and handed them to his friend.

"Did you want me to write something instead?"

Bokuto lightly shook his head, trying to shield the paper from Akaashi's vision. He got the hint and turned away, giving him the privacy he wanted for some reason.

A rather decent amount of time passed before Akaashi felt another tug on his clothing. He took that as a signal to look again, and he saw that Bokuto had folded the paper into a small square.

"I'm assuming that's some sort of secret? Who is it for?"

The white-haired male lifted his hand and shakingly pointed at Akaashi. He smiled in response and took the raised hand in both of his own. He did wonder what it said, just like any other person would. But something made his heart lurch. The thing Akaashi cared more about than the contents was when he would receive the paper at all. The whole situation just didn't feel right.

A few moments passed and Bokuto's eyes gave off the message that he had an idea. He pointed to his mouth, and Akaashi knew exactly what he meant. Bokuto loved being read to, and he didn't even eat anymore. The two friends had grown accustomed to certain signals meaning different things.

Akaashi released his friend's hand and reached for a book on the table beside him. He changed his sitting position and then prepared to start reading.

Despite Bokuto's lack of reading on his own, he did love a certain book. He made Akaashi read it almost all the time for the past month. The book was called A Walk to Remember.

The raven-haired male had asked why he liked it so much, right before his ability to talk abandoned him.

_"Honestly, I'm not really sure. I just think it's really sweet, but very sad too. The couple wanted to be together, but Jamie's cancer ruined the future they could've had. I feel bad for her." Bokuto slightly paused and looked down at his hands, one had an IV taped down to it. "...I don't want us to end up that way. I don't wanna be taken away from you, Akaashi."_

A few tears threatened to slip down his cheek as he remembered Bokuto's words and then took in the current image of his friend. He definitely did look worse than he did weeks ago. Akaashi was so scared that maybe, just maybe, his whole world really would be taken away.

However, he didn't have much time to be upset and worry about the future. Because his best friend was right in front of him, he wasn't gone- not yet at least. He wanted every day with Bokuto to be happy, he just wanted _him_ to be happy.

————

It was a cold, February night when Bokuto left the world of the living. 4 am on a Wednesday, one week after he wrote the note. Akaashi was right there, holding his hand and reading to him just like always. He had noticed Bokuto was maybe just a bit too still. He thought he had drifted off, expecting him to wake up hours later, a smile on his tired face. But the heartache was too much to bear once he realized that the person he loved most was never going to wake up.

Akaashi played his friend's final moments over and over and over. The cold, boney hands. The dark circles under his once vibrant, golden eyes. The pale, ghostly complexion. He _knew_ it. He knew his friend didn't have much time left, even days beforehand. Perhaps it was the universe's sick idea to gift him with such intuition. But what was even sicker was giving him emotions at all. Akaashi didn't want to feel the pain, the sadness, the anger. He felt too alone, the world became too quiet that night.

Tears were already pouring from his burning eyes, not wanting to let go of the limp, lifeless hand that laid on the bed. To make everything hurt _so much more,_ Akaashi felt something against his palm. He tried his best to wipe tears away, clearing his vision. He shakingly opened his hand to see a familiar piece of folded paper. It was the note Bokuto kept hidden from him and held onto constantly.

At that point, Akaashi was but a broken man. Every part of him was cracking and no one was left to piece him back together. He used the minuscule amount of energy he had left to carefully unfold the paper and written was the worst thing he probably could have ever read.

_"I love you."_

That was the moment everything clicked into place. Every tear folded into a star and created a new galaxy for Akaashi to look upon and say, "These stars are for him". Every time Bokuto looked into the upper depths of this world, Akaashi now knew he was imagining a forever among the tears and heartache.

_The stars really did have feelings after all._

The note was the one thing he truly left behind. He himself knew his time was going to be up, so he never parted with the piece of wrinkled paper. Even in Akaashi's dream, his message never failed to be delivered.

————

**End**

————

It all felt fake, like some sick nightmare. If his memories were the true reality, then that would mean Akaashi and Bokuto already met and became best friends three years ago. That would also mean Bokuto had already died months ago, back at the beginning of the current year.

This entire time, all those months, he was imagining it all. His brain created a fake world where he could cope with the pain. A fake Bokuto.

He felt sick to his stomach.

_Damn it all. Damn it fucking all._

Akaashi wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and rip his hair out from agony. But he couldn't move, not even a single inch. He laid in the dark, trying to find some escape within in mind.

He was about to give up, too, but he saw a small dot on the back of his eyelids. His breath hitched; his brain yelled in every way possible to reach for it. The dot grew slowly, Akaashi pleaded for the yelling to stop. It grew, and grew, and grew. He could see it now. A white light that called out to him in the gentlest of voices. He could have sworn it was some sort of angel that sang to him.

The light continued to approach him; his body began to tingle. He could ever so slightly move his fingers, and then his hands, and finally his entire arms. He slowly raised them to welcome the warm light. Just when he was about to be engulfed in its radiance, his eyes opened.

They opened and it was all gone. No more darkness, no more warm light.

Instead, he was forced to stare up at the _all too familiar white ceiling._

————

**[listen to: you are a memory by message to bears]**

-

He could hear faint voices and see shadows dancing quietly on the ceiling. His whole body had a dull ache, yet he felt numb at the same time. His mind was in shambles, nothing made sense.

"Doctor! Doctor, he's awake!"

_Who was that? Was it Bokuto?_

"It seems he's still quite confused. Give him some time."

_No. That wasn't his calming voice. It was a stranger._

"Akaashi, honey? Can you hear me?"

He tried to move, but his body failed to obey. Instead, he wanted to speak out. He wanted to ask about his best friend. He wanted the truth about everything.

"W-Whe...re i-is h-he..." He was barely able to say anything.

"Where is who? The doctor?"

Akaashi felt anger and sadness rising the minute he tried to say his name.

"B-Bo..ku..to."

The person speaking to him finally came into his field of vision. To his surprise, it was his mother. The very same mother that never bothered to visit for months.

"Oh...I'm sorry, I don't know who that is. I'll ask if you want," she offered, rubbing her son's frozen hand.

Part of him just didn't want to know. He didn't want his mother to come back and tell him, _"He died months ago"_. He wanted to be told that Bokuto was waiting for him to awaken. He wanted those golden eyes to stare at him with nothing but love and tell him he'll be okay. However, his one wish could never come true. His mother did come back. She gave him that horrible pitiful look, just to say there was no 'Bokuto' at the hospital. He was already _dead._

Akaashi was in an indescribable amount of pain, but no tears would fall. He felt so many things yet nothing at all. He closed his eyes and just pleaded to die. He had never truly cared enough or suffered enough to wish for death, but this time, _it was all he could possibly want._

Knowing his relationship with the universe, he had already assumed he wouldn't be allowed to get that release. Not right now, at least. He was instead forced to sit through checkups and more medication. His mother even explained how _he_ was knocked unconscious, being left in a coma state. Going against Akaashi's dream, he was the one that fell down the stairs all that time ago. Before that incident, he had apparently been hallucinating and talking to himself for quite a while.

_Ah. I guess I was crazy this whole time._

Nothing could heal Akaashi at this point. No amount of medication or physical therapy or comfort from _anyone_ could replace what he had lost. Because Bokuto was a part of him.

Ever since he awoke, he would never speak, never read, never eat, never paid attention to anything. The nurses or doctors would come in, but Akaashi would sit and stare lifelessly out the window.

After two weeks of Akaashi suffering, on a cold night in November, his already broken heart stopped beating, putting an end to his living hell.

No one was there to see him; he was completely alone.

But if Akaashi had the strength or opportunity to do anything, it would be to say that he swore he saw Bokuto sitting by the window, his face lit up by the moonlight as he smiled and held out his hand.

~

_Maybe we will meet in a galaxy far away from here. Maybe I will get to tell you that I love you. And maybe, just maybe, we will live together, beside the moon and among the stars. We can watch the world's days pass beneath us._

__

__

_So, let's go explore the universe, my love. Just the two of us._

_I promise I'll be right here, waiting for us to meet properly._

**_~end_**

**Author's Note:**

> so, hey. if you've reached this, either you skipped everything (T-T) or you decided to read my story. hoping it's the latter, i would like to thank you one million times.
> 
> lately, i've been dealing with some negative stuff. personal things happened not too long ago, and i feel like i've lost someone very important to me. my view on life has changed and i feel like i'm experiencing things i never really thought about before.
> 
> i've been reading a lot of angsty haikyuu fanfiction these past few days, and the idea to just create my own came to mind.
> 
> i haven't really written anything like this since the 9th grade, as you can see from my older published story (sadly, unfinished). now i'm a college freshman haha. time really goes by fast, i guess.
> 
> regarding the story, i did get inspiration to create a playlist for when you read from messaesthetic, so definitely credit to them for that idea.
> 
> **(sorry, it's a bit much to read)**
> 
> i also wanted to make sure to mention a couple last details. It has to do with the flower fields and the flower crown Bokuto made for Akaashi.  
> For those that aren't familiar with flower meanings, I chose daisies because they symbolize innocence and new beginnings, something that i felt represented their sprouting friendship.  
> Later, I chose carnations because they represent eternal grief and love, and i made them white because it specifically means deep sorrow and is a symbol of death. Peace lilies represent hope, healing (usually healing from an illness), and rebirth of the soul, and then yellow roses symbolize friendship.  
> Bokuto created the crown for Akaashi and then said it was time to go, because he needed to awaken from his "dream" before it was too late. The crown and the flower's messages were a parting gift, hinting that Bokuto had already passed long ago, and also hinting towards the idea of rebirth and them meeting again.  
> Also take note of the fact that the 'dream Bokuto' turned into peace lilies as well.
> 
> anyway, i hope there weren't too many mistakes or anything. To all that have taken the time to read my thoughts and feelings, hopefully you enjoyed it. i worked very hard for many nights to finish this.
> 
> really, thank you.


End file.
